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"I'm pregnant, I want to work and do things, but I can't – help!"
In 2017 I got pregnant, right in the middle of launching Déesse Padma (formerly called "BeautyWaps"). The products appealed to a growing clientele, I had concluded a great partnership for "BeautyWaps for Girls' Education", the philanthropic project in Kenya, I had hired a highly motivated intern who was going to help me with writing articles to expand the blog and various marketing and commercial aspects… In short, things were in place to move up a gear. My feminist upbringing comforted me in my belief that pregnancy was not going to stop me from pursuing all this challenging work.
Disappointment
Biological reality, however, did not agree with my intellectual theories. A few weeks pregnant, my morning ally that transformed me from zombie to human - coffee - disgusted me. Result: I felt like a zombie all day. I was starting to have some nausea, but by choosing the right times, I could still work a little to delegate tasks to my intern. I didn't understand why I was so tired, especially since I was back from vacation. Other pregnant women around me were resplendent, enjoying the magic of their pregnancy, taking walks in the forest and lounging by the pool to not only be pregnant, but to be "pregnant and healthy"!
Beliefs
It seems that all you need to do is eat a small piece of flower bread or an apple in the morning to avoid nausea. It seems that you have to drink a lot of water and have a balanced diet so as not to lack trace elements. But when everything stinks, and even the spring water is disgusting to drink, what do we do? When the nausea doesn't only come in the morning, but you feel like you have a permanent stomach ache that lasts for months, what do you do? When we no longer count the naps because rest has become our default state, and exceptionally we get up from the horizontal position asleep and exhausted, how to function?
Awareness
I was so frustrated: I, who used to be able to work like a tireless war machine, could no longer think clearly. I watched with horror as my productivity stalled. Except that, inside, I was giving shape to a baby. I was creating her very soft skin that encompasses her so perfectly, her little nose that already smelled of my scent, her eyes that would be able to see everyone around her, her brain that was becoming more complex day by day, and her heart that beat to the rhythm of his humanity. Enough to make jealous all researchers who want to create motherless children. In fact I was creating what they want to do by force of will. I created it by the vitality of my being. But it is a job that is done in silence and discretion. It is a perfection which is put in place by the force of Life and by the complicity of the mother. It happens naturally, but not without effort. It even requires a lot of effort and letting go. Personally, it made me realize my vulnerability. It made me rely on my spouse to help me achieve this transformation. Because pregnancy has profoundly changed me and given me another look at femininity. I became aware of the implications of the biological reality of the woman who may need to be protected and helped.These were notions that for me had previously been taboo, because I subscribed to the rhetoric that wants women to fend for themselves
Epilogue
Today I salute the differences between men and women, necessary to unite and conceive in love. I am grateful for the Masculine which has proven to be perfectly complementary to my Feminine, thanks to which the development of Life can take place under good conditions.
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